My appointment today went okay. It actually probably classifies as having gone well, but I'm not feeling that right now.
My breasts apparently look great. They're healing perfectly. We're going to keep letting them do their thing. This is good because they're the part of this surgery that has the most potential to go wrong.
My abdominal wound has gotten bigger. What you can see isn't bigger, but the wound is bigger inside. I can't even describe how big it is. I know it took a whole roll of gauzed (soaked in saline) to pack today.
Yup, Dr. K. changed my wound care regimen. It has to be packed with gauze that's soaked with saline twice a day. You use what's basically a really long wooden q-tip to pack the saline into the wound. I was referred to a visiting nurse to have this done. They're supposed to start tomorrow.
I've been told that abdominal incisions opening is pretty common, particularly where mine is. And that it will heal itself. 10 days was mentioned today; I will be super happy if that's all it takes.
This open wound is a speed bump I didn't anticipate. And I'm frustrated that I am having to deal with this. BUT... None of the docs or nurses seem worried (yes, they're keeping a close eye on the wound but they keep telling me it's common and looks clean and IT WILL be okay). So I need to not worry too. I need to let the visiting nurse do her job and I need to just heal.
I go back to Ann Arbor in two weeks for a follow up visit. I'm very much hoping the wound is healed by then.
One of the residents and my plastic surgeon both mentioned today that I'd need scar revision but that it can be done when we do phase two of the breast reconstruction. (Total side note... my favorite resident from my time in the hospital came in to see me today. She heard I was there and dealing with an open wound. She came in to look at it, tell me she's sorry I have to go through this, and to assure me that it looks good and it will heal. So kind.) I haven't decided yet. That's a long time ahead (about three months). I'm not worried about scars or how I look; I just want to heal and never get cancer again.
Yeah, cancer again. Today, as I looked at the list of my upcoming appointments at U of M, I got sad and frustrated. Probably didn't help the mood I'm already in. I have five appointments scheduled, with one of them being my next cystoscopy in April. I wonder if my abdominal wound will even be healed by then. I wonder what Dr. H. will think when she sees my mess of an abdomen. I wonder what the cystoscopy will show about the urothelial neoplasm of malignant potential we saw last time. I don't want to have to deal with another TURBT (bladder surgery) right now. One thing at a time.
And so I pray.
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