3-2-1

Three days til surgery day.

My emotions are all. over. the. place.

I'm still 100% glad I'm having this surgery. I still know with all of my heart that it's the right thing for me to do.

But I am an emotional mess.

Probably doesn't help that I am in medical menopause. LOL My hormones are wacky, though I do take them nightly now. Besides, I really can't blame my emotions on hormones when I've always been an emotional mess with certain things.

Things like anesthesia.

And leaving my kids for any amount of time.

And missing my kids' activities.

And all of those things are happening. In three days.

I'll be in the hospital for "three to five days", which I'm assuming means I'll get out on Tuesday at the earliest, since U of M does all discharges by 11am. But I'm going to push myself to get out on Monday if I can. "Push myself" isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm going to do all I can to heal well, eat, walk, poop, shower, whatever I need to do to get the okay to be discharged.

So I can get home to my husband and kids and get back to work (working from home for a while after surgery).

I did a three-week meal plan on Sunday. And I bought all of the necessary groceries except the fresh stuff. I also started packing my hospital bag which, just as when I was in labor, has more stuff in it for my husband and kids than it does for me. LOL I need to make sure my people are taken care of when I'm physically unable to actually take care of them.

And that weighs more on me than anything else.

I'm worried about my family. Like many moms, I am the one who does everything for everyone at home. I do it because I want to. I do it as a way to show my love. And I won't be able to for a little while.

And that bugs me.

But that's also a big part of what drives me to have this surgery.

I want to be around for a long, long time. To be able to enjoy life with my family and friends. To be able to take care of those I love.

And so...

I'm going for pre-op (to be marked up) in two days and am checking in to the hospital in three days.

It's getting closer.