One of my Worst Nightmares

Today I have my appointment with the surgeon who will do the mastectomy. This one feels like the "easier" one, with fewer questions, because it seems pretty simple. She just cuts them off. The plastic surgeon gets the hard (and long) part of the surgery. But I'm anxious as heck because my appointment is at the Cancer Center. Cancer is one of my biggest fears. I've watched too many family members and friends battle it and die from it. I'm doing all of this to avoid cancer (as much as possible and I have control over). Walking into that building and signing in for that appointment is going to be hard.

Other than that, this appointment feels like a formality to me. I won't schedule my mastectomy and reconstruction until after my appointment with the oncological gynecologist in June. But at least I'll get to learn how the surgery works and get to keep moving this process along.

After my plastic surgery appointment, I made a very special stop. I visited Joana's tree in Nichols Arboretum in Ann Arbor. Joana is the daughter of one of my best friends. Joana passed away 3.5 years ago after battling a brain tumor for about five years. Joana was one of the strongest, most cheerful, most loving, funniest, bravest people I'll ever know. Joana's motto was "Life is too short to be anything but happy." When Joana passed away, a tree in the Arb was dedicated to her. It symbolizes to me strength and bravery, just like Joana had. After my appointment, I visited Joana's tree, sat on the bench next to it, and spent some time thinking about all that's in my head right now. It was nice to have this perfect place to sort things out a bit. I'm hoping to stop by again today, probably before my appointment so I can clear my head before I sign in as "a patient of a cancer center."