No surgery today. An update...

The cystoscopy almost didn't happen. I had to give a urine sample and it showed that I have a UTI. But Dr. H. gave me some Bactrim and went ahead with the cystoscopy anyway. I could hear them talking outside my door about how they needed to because of what the ultrasound showed.

I was able to watch the monitor during the cystoscopy. It's weird seeing inside your urethra and bladder. Things I never imagined I'd see. And there are two tumors. Also things I never imagined I'd have or see. I have to have the tumors removed and sent to pathology.

So, yeah... no surgery today. Dr. H. didn't want Dr. P. doing the oophorectomy at the same time as the removal of the tumors (TURBT). The oophorectomy requires inflating my abdomen with gas; the TURBT does not. In case I need a bigger surgery (such as having my bladder removed) soon, she doesn't want that being messed with for now. If I don't need my bladder removed, Dr. P. says we can do the oophorectomy three to four weeks after the TURBT.

And I'm having the TURBT on Monday.

Which means I'll likely have pathology back on the tumors by the end of next week.

I'm glad things are moving quickly, because I'll know for sure whether or not I have cancer and I'll know what the treatment plan is if I do and we can get started on that treatment plan. But it's all still really scary.

I have told a couple more people what's going on and am finding it hard but comforting. I have always known that I have awesome family and friends, and I love that I'm seeing it so strongly right now.

We haven't told the kids yet. I'm waiting for a call back today from the pre-op department with my surgery time. We'll tell the kids tomorrow. One of my daughters, M, leaves for camp on Sunday and I know she's going to be upset. We're telling J (age 17) and M (age 14) separately from L (age 11) and C (age 7) because of how we think they'll react. And then once we tell the kids, I'll be sending an email to some family members and friends who I want to know at this point. After pathology comes back, I'm sure I'll be sending an email to others who need to be filled in. Telling people any of this is one of the hardest parts. I appreciate the support but the sadness and pity gets tough and awkward.

So now we wait until Monday.